Tuesday, February 27
no more class participation 11:35 pm

kiss my class participation goodbye. i have recent evolved into a totally different being and isolated myself from the rest of the class. my self-confidence slipped out of my soul and somehow i feel im better off being quiet. maybe it is the flu getting into me. it drained every little last drop of my energy and it is continuing draining. fighting lethargy and tummy-ache wars are of my top priorities now; everything else must wait. including projects.

been taking cough mixture and it worked for the 1st 2 nights in getting myself into bed within 15 minutes. now the effect required 2 hrs to be... effective. but its effects sustains for exactly 9hrs. take for example, i only had 7 hrs of sleep last night and i was feeling totally dead the whole day. after my 7 hrs of mad-rush lessons, i sat down on BE studios red couch to have a nap. yeah right, i slept for 2 hrs and missed my gelare tuesday waffles!!!! *sobs*

was rushing to MA class this morning and when i sat down, i really felt like taking a taxi home immediately. i was absolutely stonifying that serene's touch on my arm reminded me that i was still human.

serene: " eh, stop sleeping la..."
me : " im not, la. im stoned, tired and having stomach pains.."

5 minutes later...

serene: " shit la, my tummy hurts now.. "
me : "the power of touch, transferred my pain to you.."

* serene walked out of class to relieve herself.

after the break, we were back in class and back to stonifying. my MA prof was like quizzing us on certain MA terms and wasnt pleased that we couldnt remember. i was staring at my laptop screen and she just had to call me.

MA prof: " ok, what is zero-based budgetting?... jayne?"

i frantically googled the phrased but my laptop was trying to be my enemy by hanging itself. darn, the term sounded so familiar and then it struck to me...

me: *a large smile* : " erm... i can't remember.. hehh.." *continue smiling innocently*

so there goes my class participation.

ok, twc class. the most boring, ridiculous, retarded, time-wasting, boots-licking, money-wasting module i EVER taken in smu. when i entered class today, the prof was complaining about the comments he received from students' mid term feedback forum. stupid dude, it is a students' feedback for a reason- u wanna hear our comments, then u better be professional in handling the comments. if not, there is no point for us a waste 5 mins filling up a useless form to say how great the class is when it is not. anyway, he said that some people think that the readings are too much. *raises up my hand* im the guilty one. and im not afraid to say so. ok, it is university. but do u understand i have 4.5 modules too?? it is not as if im gonna major in technology and world change dude.... at least, i (and a few others) saved the class from more readings.

twc prof : "if you all think there is too much readings, then fine!! all readings will end by week 10!!"

everyone : *sympathetic looks, silent but rejoicing in their hearts*

ok, but the ONLY good thing abt twc class is the 0.5 hr lunch break. i have a very nice, faithful lunch buddy for twc breaks - chinwan. we were contemplating whether to have lunch at kopitiam or subway. in the end, we chose subway cos kopitiam is getting boring. he enlightened me that we could get a footlong sandwich, customised our vege and sauce choices for each halfs. we order cheese steak and he wanted all veges except chilli and sweet onion on his half; i wanted lettuce, tomatoes and green peppers and honey mustard for my half. and the subway people actually made the footlong sandwich to order! omg.. funky. anyway on this note, a special request by chinwan : HE IS LOOKING FOR A GIRLFRIEND. chinwan is a 22-yr old, single but highly eligible undergrad. he is good looking, part-timing... and that's all about it. hahahhaha. good enough eh?

anyway, shy that way is an addictive song. it has just killed many people smu-wide by my recommendations. please, i beg you, join us in getting your daily dosage of jason mraz and eradicate useless and meaningless and quality-less rapping r&b songs.

" yeah well you know, i am shy that way.."

had a reunion dinner with the econs gang.. at miss clarity's cafe again. but what to do, we are all on a budget. miss clarity's is definitely budget and good. love the place, love the food. anyway, most of them are going on exchange next sem and im pretty sad. cos i will be left alone fighting to keep my soul sold to smu. :( lonely, i'm mrs lonely..... but thank God for jas, david and ffw. KC is not included cos she is evil and going to denmark.

talking about kc, we met to replace her uob atm card and my posb card respectively. afterwhich, we went to venezia for a treat-yourself-good ice cream. she ordered strawberry and rum&raisin while i asked for lemon sobert and hazelnut. but the waitress screwed up our orders and gave KC rum&raisin with hazelnut. then we pointed out the mistake and they said "oh.." and blatently threw away A CUP OF VENEZIA ICE CREAM. i never heard customers screamed before but kerchoon and i screamed for the ice cream ( no pun intended..). we told them it is so wasteful to throw away and they should keep it for themselves..

ice cream waitresses : " oh never mind lah.. we eat them everyday.."


Monday, February 26
unfruitless day 10:20 pm

ok, i think some of you might have guessed it. i blog when i have a bad day. period. but instead of boring you guys with my lousy day, im gonna write on other stuff.

ok, let me see. oh daryl pointed out the the words on my blog design on the extreme top-left of the page is the lyrics of a song called "shy that way" by jason mraz and tristan prettyman. fabulous song, i tell you. it has just replaced corrine bailey rae instantly. can't find the song on radio blog so you just have to ask me for it. but fantastic, makes you feel a little promiscuous in the end when you read the lyrics. cheeky. but really, its great.

another album im dying to get is the love revolution soundtrack. it is a old jap drama that i love for all times. like 7 frigging years and i still love it. the actors and actresses are matured, charming and ohh you just wanna fall in love with them. the theme song is called kiss of life by ken hirai - im sure alot of you know this is a super duper nice song.

ok funny and weird things that happened on cny.

chu er, i was at the esplanade with freedy and meiting watching meiting's friend's band performing. they are damn good. like super good that the next time smu wants bands to play for events, i will highly recommend them. anyway, there is an old man who out of nowhere, came out and danced to the crowd. like shaked his bon-bons better than ricky martin i tell you. i video-ed it down but too lazy to upload it. just go youtube and type "esplanade old man" and you will see his bon-bons shakin. of cos, there were fireworks which i didnt expect. they were spectecular, really beautiful and with the band playing soft jazzy blues in the background, it would be great if i had a boyfriend then.

met thol and mabs for a late night chillout after that. mabs recommended this place called booies which was a minute drive from her house, right smacked in the middle of all the private houses. it is very ULU. and amazingly, people go there! just imagine-- a row of shophouses selling car batteries and tyres and suddenly, u see a "survivor-looking" setting pub in between the shops. the drinks are not bad and affordable though. highly recommended for its food too! anyway, thol let me drive mabs home(which is a minute away only) with his car and he too said i am a safe driver. hohoho!!!

febri celebrated his 21st birthday on chu san and he invited BE peeps and the council peeps. it was pretty weird for me cos i was like, whoah, council people and whoah, be people. nothing to booast about but i was the president for one and the vice pres for the other. but it was great to see the council peeps again, esp nathaniel who was so busy over project superstar and andre who has somehow evaporated all the fats from his body and looked so slim. nevertheless, i didnt knew andre was such a good person to talk to. we finally had our 1st decent talk since j1 and yeah, though i can never differentiate his sarcasm from normal comments, i give him the benefit of the doubt yeah?

so shane was kind enough to give me a lift home... on his motorbike. i tell you, it was one hell of a ride. daryl drove off in his red mecz car the same time as we left. when the bike first accelerated, i wanted to die. its like riding on a roller coaster and you feel the eeky feeling in your spine. when we reached the 1st traffic light together with daryl, i was frantically hand-signalling to daryl to save me from the bike and send me home instead. but after a while, i got used to it and i started to feel sometime different--- cold. i was shivering like a chicken without feathers. i wonder how bikers tahan but boy it was frigging cold lah!!! then after a while on the PIE, i started freaking out--- whenever i turned by head, the wind was so strong that i could felt my helmet going to fly off any second and crash into someone's car winscreen. i wonder how shane tahan everytime---

zuo biker bu rong yi...*shivers*

so watched protege with thol and mabs and we sat on the FIRST ROW. omg. my head hurts and i was cold. nevertheless, the good thing abt it was that we had the whole row to ourselves. period. im sure no one wants to have such a benefit in such situation. still, protege is good. andy lau was superb.... he is the man la. but the only take home message was " which is worse, emptiness or drugs.."

which one would you choose?

anyway, my "fiance", xuanming, is abit useless. he just emailed me saying " hey wife! i won a jesse macartney CD and poster from campus radio... can you help me collect since i see you so often?.." useless, only when he needs help then im his wife... haha time to divorce him, right jas?

Thursday, February 22
pause 9:35 pm

i think im not physically fit to do a proper blog entry later, the continuation of my cny.the flu is getting from bad to worse and i just cant stop feeling like puking.

anyway, i thought it would be great to share this new song to all of you. like a star by corrine bailey rae. i just uploaded it. it is fantastic song, a great song that makes me feel so light hearted (on the contrary) when i stroll back home from the mrt every night while listening to it on my new ipod shuffle. dont judge it from the intro; just keep listening and im sure you know why i love it much. it would sound a zillion times better if you listen with earphones.

late nights; relaxation; corrine bailey rae's like a star; perfect.

chinese new year daze Part 1 11:38 am

i had a weird chinese new year.

still had emotional baggage to carry through this new year. but come to think of it now, the 5th day of CNY, i think im being blessed without knowing.

ok lets see, CNY EVE.

met edmund for breakfast at toa payoh hub. its been a long while since we met but it was great way to start CNY by having breakfast ( after how long....?? when was my last time having breakfast??) and most importantly, he let me drive his car to my cousin's place. *muahahahhahaha* im actually considered a safe driver by someone! but still, i cant park. so i need more practice, yah? hint hint..

so was playing mahjong at my cousin's place. we didnt gamble, just played with chips. so it was 2 girls vs 2 guys; brothers vs sisters. and the sisters won. the underdogs won. the pros.. LOST. hahahahhahahaa.. i love the feeling man. oh, we have a secret code name of mahjong- it is called "swimming". stupid but yeah.. time to improve my swimming skills.. time to get a MAHJONG SET!!!!

so the highlight of cny for me: reunion dinner. jerm, jas and i love reunion dinner because of abalone. teppanyaki-fried sliced abalone.. but it wasnt there this year. the abalone was used in the sharks-fin soup only. DARN. but, the scallops were fantastic, fresh and gosh i want to eat them now. then it dawned upon me how great my grandma is. she makes sure every single family member has a chance to eat the sharks fin soup. she would reserve the soup for my other cousins who were at other reunion dinner. Sharks fin soup is no long just a expensive soup; its a reunion-family soup. it probably makes no sense to any one of you, but it means a big deal to my family.

so the dreadful part of CNY: Chu Yi

i like chu yi's morning. standard: breakfast at granny's place- siew mai, beehoon, coffee, cakes, century egg porridge. but this year was different; had to go church in the morning then rush to granny's place for breakfast. so this year, breakfast was together with lunch - POHPIAH. omg, i love and love making my own pohpiah, i tell you. it was the most fulfilling breakfast i ever had since the last cny. i never ate so much for breakfast before, one hand stuffing siewmai in my mouth, the other hand rolling up the pohpiah and then stuffing it into my mouth. i was probably the most unglam person in a very pretty dress. but HECK IT, POHPIAH takes the lead of my life.

so, spend the morning visiting my paternal side relatives. then in the afternoon, i stoned at my maternal side relatives house. stoned and stoned and slept and slept and watch tv and watch tv for more than 7 hours. that is the dreadful part of CNY. i stoned and slept and watched tv so much that i caught a flu from a sick relative and was worsened by my bro. it was so boring that i was probably fully awake when people said my dress was pretty. THAT BAD.

so i begged my cousin to send me home and started watching hanayori dango again for the 5th or 6th time? then saw tim online and ask him out for a drink to kill time.

this is how much i dread cny. i'll continue later with CHU Er

Friday, February 16
bloom, flowers, bloom 1:09 am

woke up this morning so much earlier than i thought.

didnt know what thoughts were in my mind making me a light sleeper.

anyway, woke up to find my flowers missing. i was very scared my mum threw it away. but int the end, they were nicely placed and arranged in a vase. very pretty that i couldnt help but to take photos of them.

yeps, and tulips are grown in cold weather countries. so i popped in a few ice cubes.

when i came home at night, they were all up-right and healthy looking. :) didnt know ice did the trick! :)

Wednesday, February 14
the v-day special. 4:27 pm

valentine's day is super hyped up.

you can expect me or any single (non-dating) person to have "sighs..." and "boring.." words used in blog entry today. im gonna use "happy", "surprised", and "date" in this blog entry. and boy, today isnt v-day! it feels TONNES better! :)

it starts with a "omg-i'm-screwed" morning. no again, you sick people... dont think dirty. anyway, i reached home at 10.30pm last night and i told myself to wake up at 12 midnight to bathe and study for my IE midterms. at 12, my dad switched off the lights and i woke up at 8.30am this morning.

"T minus 3. 5hrs to IE midterms."

i woke up, bathed, went to the florist near school to collect the flowers for my dear girl-friends. they were beautiful, as in the flowers. hahhaa. i ordered 3 sunflowers and 2 huge purple roses.

the roses were fully and nicely bloomed.. not forgeting, HUGE. everyone was like " jayne, are these roses? .. serious??? they are damn big!!.." good for my friends, bad for me.. haha. actually not really cos im not a fan of roses. guess my favorite flower....:) anyway, this is how big the rose was.. compared to a normal one..

so when i reached school, i was rushing to study finish IE. in the end, i didnt finish. partly because of lack of time, and partly because people were coming in and going out of studio. was vetting the v-day video for campus tv and i was laughing my head off. sooooo... cheesy but nice editing, marv! :)

then febri came in and said " wah jayne, who give you so many flowers...."

me: " i wish, for my friends.."

febri to shane: " eh, i think it is time we should go buy flowers and hope to give to some girls lah...". then shah came in and our jaws dropped. he is like a temporary florist with a shopping bag full of flower stalks. 3 stalks for each girl, personally wrapped on the spot!!! jealous??? you should be cos jas and i received a bouquet of TULIPS from HIM!!!!!!!! ** happy ** will post the photos another time!

so 11.45am came and it was time for me to meet my doom. but before that, i received 2 stalks of roses, 1 chocolate and sweets from jas, ffw and david! :) and another stalk from my dear suzi just before the test... hahha

so the midterm came and i was just refering to my notes 3/4 of my time. everyone had littl space to move so while we were religiously flipping through notes, we kept hitting each other. didnt finish the test partly because it was noisy (everyone was flipping through their notes) and was stressed because everyone was flipping through their note! but i was quite happy that i could do the essay questions..even though i didnt finish them too. my hp buzzed a zillion times during the test until tim said " eh, your hp is damn noisy." IM SORRY.

after the break, my prof said she was supposed to give an angbao to someone in class because she promised to give an angbao to the person who answered correctly a few weeks back. HAHA and she said " JAY-NIE, this is for you." **surprised **

i "huh" the loudest "huh" and she smiled and gave me the angbao. i tell you, i will NEVER EVER complain the next time she calls me jay-nie even though i told her that it is pronounced as jane. and i think everyone in class hates me now, on valentine's day, especially those who talked alot in class. and for the record, i didnt answer the question for the angbao; i can't remember her saying that too! so lesson number 1 : TALK in class strategically.. hahhahaa

was just talking to darrell (og) and he is darn funnny. he said he is SAD - single awareness day. hahaha. i bugged him for my flower and he said, " you want flower or car?" smart dude, i choose the car... but darrell was sweet.. he said that if i wasnt going out with my friends, he would ask me out..bet he was lying but, SWEET enough hahaha.

ok, my ** date** 3 guys dated me today. one , a hunky dude, one promiscuous guy and one vietnamist. it was a dilemna i had to make but i decided to go ahead with all three.... in a group study room... having exco meeting. WHAT A NICE DATE. we all have a deep love-hate relationship jasmine will tell me. nice quarrels on v-day. hahahaa terence wanted to end everything on a happy note by having a group-hug. but daryl was like..." NO! gay..."

so, dinner with jas and ffw and terence at kenny roger's . it was late but good enough!!! :) fancy walking into the restaurant at 9.30pm. i think smu is a sad place. everyone is smugging for test tmr or presentations. oh well, love is channeled to the wrong direction.

so, flower counter:

4 roses

1o tulips

guess my favorite flower. no prizes though.:) and oh, happy v-day my dears.. :)

Tuesday, February 13
a love song that makes me happy 12:17 am

i particularly have a distaste for love songs recently. especially so when v-day is nearing and its not making me anywhere better. ESPECIALLY when i just realised my eye-candy is fired by me as an eye-candy. yesh jasmine, he is not charming anymore.

but one particular song just make me sing. happily. anyone would say that it is a song for lovers. blah. bullocks to that statement. it is subtly ( and unintentionally) a song that reminds me that there IS one guy (and i dunno where he is now.. maybe i do but i dun realise) for me. Someone will tell me who.

i used to dream/pray for this guy, that if we get together (or married if im old enough), i would be able to say a firm "yes" to his proposal with no hesistation at all. no "what-ifs", no "ok-lah", no " it should work out fine.", no "try-lahs", no "how long will it last", no "maybe he is the one", no spur-of-the-moment-swept-with-emotions, no eeking feeling of the unknown after that.

just a firm and affirmed and a sure "yes" --

a decision that was somehow unknowingly made before and supported by Someone--

and a heart simply full of joy.

:) jas, im sure u believe in that too yeah? i cant upload the song to radio blog but meanwhile, enjoy the lyrics. the song is better though :P

'It Might Be You' lyrics by KAI (jas, i wish that was another 3 more letters after that.. hahaha)

I've been passing time watching trains go by
All of my life
Lying on the sand watching sea birds fly
Wishing there would be someone waiting home for me
Something's telling me it might be you
Yes, it's telling me it might be you
All of my life

Looking back as lovers go walking past
All of my life
Wondering how they met and what makes it last
If I found the place would I recognize the face
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it might be you

So many quiet roads to take
So many dreams to make
And with so much love to make
I think we're gonna need some time
Maybe all we need is time...
And it's telling me it might be you
All of my life

I've been saving love songs and lullabies
And there's so much more
No one's ever heard before
Something's telling me it might be you
Yeah, it's telling me it must be you
And I'm feeling it'll just be you all of my life

Yeah, maybe it's you, maybe it's you
I've been waiting for all of my life
Maybe it's you, maybe it's you
I've been waiting for you all of my life
Maybe it's you, maybe it's you
I've been waiting for all of my life

Monday, February 12
cleaning up my closet. 12:29 am

was doing a little cleaning up of my closet. actually, more like packing up. wasn't in the mood to do anything this weekend but to rot at home. then, i just kinda thought that i needed to do something with my life. i cant possibly continue like this; promised myself earlier this year to take the first step regardless how long it would take for me to progress to the next. in the end, i kinda took out some things from my closet, shelf and packed them neatly in a box.

going to use them when im ready to do so.

there goes step one. painful but it has to be done.

anyway, i thought it was fated for me to be at home yesterday. the garang guni guy came and my mum forced me to stand by the door and receive some coins for our recycling effort. so that guy was taking newspaper by its mini-stacks and i was wondering why he is taking such unneccesary steps to move the newspaper. in the end, in the midst of all the magazines and newspapers, therein lies my long-lost...PENCIL CASE!!!!. i turned to my mum and said " mum! why did u put my pencil case there!!!!!!!!!!!" and all she could say is " opps. i didnt see it."

so i spent $20 odd to buy new stationaries only to find my pencil case absent-minded misplaced by my mum. at least it is back. i needed my calculatorS back. good news number one.

i lit aroma-therapy oil last night to soothe my nerves. never believed in all these nonsense but for once, it did its job well; the nice aroma of eucalyptus (yeah, sometimes i wonder whether im a koala bear....) pretty got some distracting thoughts off my mind and i actually smiled to sleep. i guess i really needed the sleep very badly judging from me unable to wake up this morning for church and the pillow didnt bother me that much.

so went to teach my yd kids after forcing myself out of bed. they were cute, not. but thank God for them. so, went to my granny's place after 3 weeks for lunch. afterwhich, went out with jerms to novena for a unusual drink at harry's bar. the place was bad cos pepper lunch was beside it and stank the place like fish. but it has been great talking to my dear cousin over a bottle of diluted henni ( thats why jerms call it).

so when i went home, i bummed around for an hour before dragging my fat butt off the couch and run around my estate. i need to exercise not to keep fit.

"exercise gives you endorphines. endorphines make you happy. happy people don't just kill their husbands.. they just don't! " - legally blonde.

ok, i don't intend to kill my husband cos i dun even have one. ok, one fiance who is too poor to support me.. *stares at the guilty one..* i didnt run alot but enough to make me feel fit. ran to my granny's place for dinner for another veggie meal. healthy smug jayne.

after dinner, i psycho-ed my cousin, jasmine, to go to her house and watch hanadori dango, for the 4th time for me. so there you have it, 2 drama-freak girls sitting on my auntie's bedroom floor laughing away. then, this show made me discover one thing: is it possible to like someone ugly. YEAH. look at Dao Ming Si in the show, he is drop-dead-UGLY. but as the plot, this character developed into such a charming young guy. his Ugliness simply disappearred and replaced but adjectives like patient, kind, caring, having faith.. and most importantly, COMMITTED to his decisions.

woots. jayne is dreaming of her ideal person again.

Saturday, February 10
concentrated problems and dilute solutions 1:00 am

if i can use one adjective to describe the past 2 weeks, it would be "concentrated".

in chemistry, concentrated is defined as many particles of the same solute dissolved in water. yups, so parallel to this definition, many things occured over a short period of 2 weeks.

been bombed with loads of problems and setbacks, emotionally and physically.
  • family
  • school
  • personal stuff.

Not forgetting the workload that comes together with my 5.5 modules and BE

  • 2 presentations
  • 2 midterms
  • readings for every module
  • IE hw.. which i didnt do in the end.

i could actually count the number of hrs i slept. an average of 4 hrs of sleep every night. people complain of sleepless night. i'd like to complain that i-frigging-want-to-sleep-but-no-time-and-even-if-i-could-i-cant-sleep-properly. would dream of presentation speech, questions from past year exams and have dreamy mini-exams in my sleep. a checklist appearing in my dreams prompting me what i need to do when i wake up. woke myself up 0.5hrs before my alarm (4.30am) rings. slight fever almost every 2 nights and a terrible ulcer for 2 weeks too.

my tear ducts were on highly active mode too- activated more than 6 times as i recalled. 2 when in physical pain, the rest in hope that after crying, the emotional burden would be lighter.

wanjee asked me whether i know when im gonna physically burn out. i say now. you say, go get some sleep. i say, no use cos my body is highly dependent on my mind. you say, dont worry so much. i say, i wish i could but it is nowhere being solved. some say, then how can you survive the next 1 year if you are already like this.

i say, if there aren't any emotional baggages for me to carry, regardless the workload, i can still garner enough strength to survive.

i just hate feeling helpless.

Thursday, February 8
special mention 11:59 pm

ok darly, u win since u are in :
  1. 3rd exco
  2. 4th exco
  3. and my vph BALLS ..:)

THANKS DARYL TAY WEI-YANG! for.... ________ ( u fill in the blanks)


anyway, special mention today. i think this sem, my class participation grades will be above average as compared to all preceding semesters. i had law and econs class and my prof for once, looked and me and ask me to answer a series of legal questions. and he strictly allowed non- biz law student to answer. and he actually thought i took biz law.

wow jayne, i look biz-lawish.

so anyway, i gave a splendid answer (thanks to the textbook) and when he changed the scenario, i panicked. but still, after smoking around, i gave another splendid answer while watching a movie (coyote ugly) on my laptop.

woohoo.. looks like im not gonna be invisible anymore cos he remembers my name.

go go go, class participation!

anyway, im addicted to a new artiste. Amy winehouse.

no, you darn people. not because she has any alcoholic in her name but because i like her lyrics and kind of music. go listen to her songs --- you sent me flying and F*** me pumps. vulgur it may seem, but she writes about reality. non-sadish lyrics.she is a very bold songwriter with a new feel to acid jazz,soul music. trying to upload the song to radio blog , so holdon.

Wednesday, February 7
"familiar feeling has returned...." 12:25 am

febri asked me after agm.

"jayne, i thought u dont wanna do this kinda of thing anymore? in the end, still become vp.."

thanks feb. just had smube's agm and was voted in as vp. history has repeated itself once more and i find myself standing infront of the obstacles, feeling tired yet challenging them " give me your best shots, you buggers! ". the feeling of heaving a huge sigh of relief, yet relief was replaced by a burden unknown.

i'm just gonna be used to it. done it once, i can do it twice. in a good way.

jas voluteered to nominate me during the agm and it is pretty weird (in a good sense) to see & hear a very close, dear friend cum relative talking about and marketing me. yeah, but i love jas too! :) not because she said good things about me, but for being a awfully good friend. for looking at me as who i am and not a smu/smube junior. for being a cheerleader at heart. :)

many thanks to people who gave me support today:
  • God.
  • the 3rd exco!
  • jas, david, kerchoon, adelene, gilbert, geraldine, jx, fordie! and i think mr ffw.. hahaha
  • the 4th exco.
  • my vph people.
  • my lovely cousins, james and jermaine
  • and BE

now its time to remember the names of exco members......

Tuesday, February 6
test test.. testing? 10:48 am


i had 2 mids terms in 3 days. sat and tuesday, intro psych and MA.

i mugged like a geek and nothing sank it. like, MA i did alot of questions but when i woke up, i forgot how to do. ARGH. bloody REM sleep.

so in the end, just felt that there isnt a point studying. other than using terms learnt from intro psych to write my blog.

oh, i am in MA class now learning absorption costing. then, randomly, my prof just showed us this clip.darn funny but she was trying to motivate us after the test. sweet ya?:) she is darn funny. when we were doing the test, she was looking at the class photo attendence list. then she told us " you know, i was studying your faces, so some of you never wear specs, so i draw the specs on your photo.."


Sunday, February 4
we are best friends because.. 1:46 am

i love meiting.

No, you sick people. i love her as a friend. she's my best friend since secondary one and i wonder why, we are best friends even though we dont really like talk everyday and such. we talk on the phone like once a month, meet up like once every 2 to 3 months but yet friendship still remained strong. once in secondary 2, we kinda stopped talking to one another for a year plus. had a terrible misunderstanding ( probably on my part) but our so called "steads" ( yes, we were damn childish. co-ed sch, what to do...) were good friends, so they made us wait for them after their detentions every other day. so naturally, we were on talking terms again.

but most importantly, God has blessed our friendship alot. you wont believe this what a strange telepathy we have. like once last year, on the 1st day of world cup, we were supposed to be extremely excited. but i was crying so badly on my bed and she was too. then we called each other only to find out that we were both crying and feeling upset for the same reason, same time, only in different situations. only a few days ago, she called me and told me that she was going through a family "crisis" and i was too! we also found out that we were living quite screwed-up lives.

these may not mean anything to either one of you. but it has to me. its funny that how when u are in trouble, you tend to look for someone who is emotionally stronger (than yourself) to seek solace. But in my and her case, it was and is totally different. we, somehow or rather, go through the same shite at the same time and ironically, we are still able to support one another despite being emotionally weak.

i thank God for her. cos without her existence, her openess, and her friendship, i guess i am really in deep shite.

thanks ting for pulling me up this week. Cheers to you:)

Friday, February 2
a different feeling 3:05 am

today, i tried to start the day with a new feeling. aka, ignorance.

stupid, but it worked for a while. tried to laugh, and of course, pretend nothing happened.

but still, it got into me but nevertheless, not as bad as the past few days.

kc was pretty nice today. met her while i was going down the escalator to the studio. she asked whether i wanted to eat at popeye's at the airport at night cos she would be sending her friend off. OF COURSE, IT IS POPEYES. so instinctively, i called the other 3 jas, david and fw along. but mr foo fang wei was too tired to drive so the others couldnt come along.

so kc picked me up from braddell mrt and she ran to send her friend off once we reached the airport. so there i was, at the place i love being at. the airport.

the airport gave me a sense of freedom. been there almost every week when i was a kid. love the feeling that whenever you feel constricted, there are other places you can go and run away. ok, maybe running away aint the solution; but at least when you return, you have a different perspective in settling problems.

so while she was saying goodbye to her friend, i stood infront of the board of choices.

that's the place i wanna go. the place that i hope my dreams would be realised. but then again, its a dream that will never come true. it is funny how that opportunity was given to me, then taken away, then given, and again taken away, and most recently, it was given again to me, but sadly, taken away yet another time.

goodbye auckland.

goodbye canada.

hello reality.

about her
    jayne, 21
    smu econs
    needs a reboot in her life.
    needs to eat and exercise more.
    waiting on Him

your shout outs

her juke box
    just click the play button to listen

    Backstreet boys - how did i fall in love with you

    tribal jam - remind me

    justin timberlake - my love

    delta goodrem - be strong

    bethany joy lenz - let me fall

    sean paul - give it up (step up OST)

    neyo - so sick

    jojo - little too late

    corrine bailey rae - like a star

her friends