lifehouse!!! :)

techno life.

exams

new blogskin

spring me back to life

interviews..

psychin meself...

being singaporean

fb fb fb fb fb...

winter binter



February 2006


March 2006


April 2006


May 2006


June 2006


July 2006


August 2006


September 2006


October 2006


November 2006


December 2006


January 2007


February 2007


March 2007


April 2007


May 2007


June 2007


July 2007


August 2007


September 2007


October 2007


November 2007


December 2007


January 2008


February 2008


March 2008


April 2008


May 2008

credits

layout: detonatedlove♥
pictures: ohhspontaneityy
stocks: _excentric_

JERMAINE IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!! IM SO SO SO EXCITED!

COUSINS REUNITED! uh.. except my bro.. haiz

anyhow, THANK YOU, ALEX!!!!!! =)

jermaine jermaine jermaine! quick come back home!

yesterday is a day that got me thinking.


it is confirmed: i officially hate working. not ready for the working world. not ready for boring routines (high five, suzi). i havent been at work for 3 days. i hate i hate and i hate my job. bullocks to telemarketing and commercial world. lost the motivation. money is no longer a substantial motivator to me. the type of job is.


im at school now. watched "play on earth" in the morning with some convoc and BE people. it's a play part of the singapore arts festival. its a damn cool play. imagine- 3 plays acted simultaneously (live!!) in 3 different locations in the world. (singapore, uk, brazil) and the plays are projected onto a screen, side by side.. all with the aid of the internet. the way the cameramen recorded the plays were so cool such that on screen, the actors from the 3 different countries seems as if they are interacting with each other. freak. my description is horrible. hmm.. any how, its a very creative play. didnt get the plot though.


anyway, back to the topic of school. im in school now. saw my reflection on the glass door and i saw myself carrying a tote bag and my laptop on my hand.. with my matri card in my pocket. GOSH! i miss being a student. shah told me something that i was ready to commit suicide the next second; he is working for SMU Office of registra for $10/hr. someone kill me, can? i wanna work in school!!!!!!!!!!!! i would RATHER work in school than bukit merah central. yes yes, the grass is always greener on the other side. but this patch of grass is always greener than any patches of grass now. shah.. why must you.. not tell about ur good deal...... why...


had driving yesterday. i nearly crashed into a stationary van parked at the kim keat link carpark. was going to turn right when i accidentally switched on high beam. the light was so bright suddenly that it reflected from the white van and i got a shock. usually, people would jam their brakes and clutch. but no, im not the usual bunch of humanbeings. i jammed the accelerator. thank God i was at gear 1. my instructor jammed the brakes and pulled the hand break. jayne oh jayne, how silly..no wonder he dint wanna let me drive home after lessons. sigh.


went mambo with chieh, fel and christine. the dj was downright.. horrrible. he shld be fired. never be so blatent but ya, he shld be fired. how can anyone stream 1 R&b song, 1 mambo song, 2 michael buble songs,i mambo song, 1 euro techno song consecutively.. at zouk? with a few seconds of absolute silence during the transitions from song to song? phuture is jam packed to the brim that i believe that it was tempting for everyone to dance above each other then. humid, irritating.. bimbo girls. in short, not fun. at least i saw my thursday friend after so long. went like " hi thursday friend! happy thursday!". ehm.. bordem is acting up on me. but at least, fel chieh and chris were there. cant wait for dinner on fri.. the toa payoh girl gang is finally meeting.


kudos to myself. i didnt drink. (arent u happy to hear that, joe tee? =) ) but i think zouk is a cursed place for me. i lost one of my NEW rose ear studs again. AGAIN!!!!!!!

This is bad; I'm addicted to many things at this moment:
1. Wang wang rice crackers. - at work
2. Sleep
3. Food –- glorious food, Im eating 3-full meals everyday. Like fried rice in the morning, rice in the afternoon, rice at night, and occasionally rice for supper. Fat, I am getting.
4. Marigold strawberry yogurt drink - at work
5. My book - falling for mr wrong by caroline upcher.


Anyway, met chieh, shyuan and liping (and the extra, jieyu) for dinner yesterday. Its been a long while since the toa payoh gang met up. I finally decided to call shyuan driving instructor and tried my very best to speak mandarin. He sounded nice; shyuan says he is a nice instructor too. So all in all, I finally got myself a driving instructor! =) and gonna have my 1st lesson on Sunday afternoon! Well, according to shyuan, she said she already drove herself home after 2nd lesson. Ah, the anticipation of knowing how to drive and the possibility for passing on the 1st attempt is rather motivating. =)


So we went home around ten plus and fangwei called me out for supper at eleven. He is like desperate to watch the movie "cars". Like fancy a 22 year old guy saying "hey wanna watch cars? *vroomvroom* " . so amusing.. as in the *vroomvroom* part.


So, its gonna be another 12 more working days till the end of work. Im dying.. I wanna quit now… *frustration-regression*

Oh sharks.


My expenses are really high. Like skyhigh. I thought I could save $250 this month cos I have not touched my allowance till Sunday. But in the end, I have to pay about $300 for german classes. And another $50 for salsa. And another $100 if I start my driving lessons.


Shite.


And I dont want to touch my pay yet cos it is meant for Taiwan trip fixed cost.


Mommy, help.


Oh, but at least, Im going to learn german I think starting from next Wednesday together with some other convocation team people.


Was thinking, maybe I shouldnt work the next holiday. Cos I realized, working is boring, gives you too much time for your brain to think and think and.. over think. Makes one a dull person. Haha. Oh well. Getting involved in school stuff is a better option. Do all the nuts things together.


LN asked me 2 days ago whether I want to be in campus TV team. I actually said yes. Omg, jayne. Im gonna kill myself next sem. I need to give up either joining explor or archery.. I dont wanna give up either… =( oh, but gilbert told on Sunday that I have archery luck cos everytime I wanna go down for the trials, it rained. NO, I dont believe in luck. So im gonna go down for trials still!! =)


Met Des again for lunch today. He is so… ungentlemanly. Asked me "Jayne, we strike a deal ok? You bring the AO-Sep (contact lens solution) & laptop and I bring adaptor…"
Such a loop-side deal. i am at the lugi end.


Going to meet chieh and shyuan later..


Extra jayne wanna-do-things
1. be part of campus tv team for sem2
2. be a great TA to my ltb group.. =)
3. Do my projects properly.. ( this is a must, especially after FA and microecons)

i kinda coming into terms with the loss of my mobilephone.


i still miss it. even if u give me a o2 pda phone, i would still prefer to have my old phone back. or so i think i would prefer.


got a new sim card yesterday at hello@cityhall. wait for 1/2 hr to be served by an attitude customer service officer. was very weird cos for the whole 15 mins i was there, there wasn't any conversation for the first 10 min. ultimate silence. when i asked some questions, he would be like "i think so" or "i dunno.. you try lor". nvm, at least he gave me a new sim card. that's all i cared.


so was at burger king@raffles place waiting for suzi to end her meeting. sat there for an hour, keyed some contacts into my phone. im using my uncle's spare phone.. i hate it but i can't complain; at least i have a phone! but the keypad is damn hard to press! :x


den was reading my book "falling for Mr wrong" by i-cant-remember-her-name. jieyu read the 1st ten pages on sunday and he said it was boring. i read the next ten pages and told him it was interesting. like on every single page, i went "idiot.." and "bust**d" or "useless x-y chromosomes homosapiens..". the guy was an total idiot. basically, the story started with this guy called jonny. he is a husband to Polly. jonny and polly.. rhymes eh? anyway, he was treating his wife really good and just simply one-fine day, without any warning or signs, polly woke up and called jonny at his office. and jonny replied " darling, did u check the cupboards? my clothes are gone.. i left you.i'll be staying at a hotel, don't worry".


he just left his wife.. just like that. a 180 degrees change overnite.


!!!!!!!! guys.. !!!!!!!!! hfnakshfakshgahglsdhglahgrlh.. day one, he can be mr niceguy. day two, he can be mr i-left-u-fend-for-yourself guy.. sadly they are existent in both fiction and reality.

oh yeah, forgot to add this:


please tag me ur numbers (and name, of course) so that i can add ya into contacts :)

im TOTALLY uncontactable even through housephone cos my dad dint pay the phone bill..


i cant believe this.


ps: suzi, i really like ur blog song. its really uplifting :) nice taste!

used to laugh at the poster/advertisement.


freak, now its laughing back at me.


i just lost my hp. i dunno how, it mysterously disappeared as if it had legs.


whatever it is, i do need back very badly. my life. well.. almost. i really need it back. so he who holdeth my mobile phone, please be nice enough to return it to me.


i went totally bonkas when i couldnt find it. wasn't having a good weekend at all and one more shock isn't doing me good. tried to be calm but in the end was talking alot of nonsense to chieh, fish, mason and tim at orchard. trying to keep my mind off it but it isnt gone at all. i was so hysterical that i used fish's phone and called meiting and pour out my misery, agitation and helplessness.


why am i so blur? so dumb, so careless. i have only myself to blame.


just really hope i can have it back. Please God, im sorry if this sounds materialistic, but could you help me find my phone? argh.


one thing good abt today is that it rained and i was stuck with joetee in sgoon gardens. blessing in disguse, i couldnt go for archery today..again. so i was with joetee at coffee bean talking and sharing abt each others' problems and lives. joe tee is really nice. really nice although many times he irritates me using his "ego". its funny how we are so close (hmm, are we?) and we never liked each other (which is a good thing). joked abt it. he was saying that we are not together because when he was unattached, i didnt take my chances. JOE TEE!!!!WHEN I WAS UNATTACHED, YOU DIDNT TAKE UR CHANCES TOO!!! hahahahhaha. no matter what, it was great doing QT and praying with him.. and going to random peoples' house (well, just amanda's and nearly kinny's) ..thanks tee for making me feel better! :)


next good thing? world cup. without world cup to take my mind of my lost hp, i'll probably be crying on my bed now.


many thanks to chieh, fish, mason and tim for helping my hp and keeping me rather in a sane state.. :) and sorry abt using up some of ur free air-time ..

im in a hugging mode now.


im so so so so happy to have meiting as my God-send/God-blessed best friend.


It is funny how God really made us so close. we don't meet so often. but we share the same problems at the exact same time. right at this very moment.

she called me thru skype just now. when i needed her at that point. and she needed me too. so feel like going over to her place and hug her now. she wants/needs a hug too. its nice to talk to her and cry/scream/complain together over skype. stupid circumtances, made us lose the world cup fever. if i had a car now, i will drive over to her place, pick her up and go some pub and catch the match together.


thanks girl, thanks:)

hi.. my new skin.
i like it. i like whatever it says.
return my pride; beyond redemption.

I am early for work today.


Im actually on time for once. Was in office at 9 am and there were NO one around in my department even though work starts at 9.


The interns came in and were shocked to see me at my desk.


I could not sleep last night. Oh well. Was thinking about a lot of stuff till the extent that even though I only had 5 hours of sleep, I still managed to effortlessly wake up at 7 am this morning.


Another day at work. Boring shite again. But at least the weekends are here. Going for archery tmr with ford and fortuna (sounds.. rhymie..) and hopefully going for salsa intermediate classes in the morning. I miss my salsa dance partner, jared. He can really shake his bon-bon real well.


Things jayne will do this next half of the year:
1. continue with salsa intermediate class
2. learn archery and hopefully it will be my sport niche. I wanna go for competitions. But then again, am I good enough?
3. learn basic german. I dunno how am I gonna find 300 bucks to do that, but german + studying medicine in germany for $400/yr = very good motivation for me.
4. start driving lessons. I want to pass my driving on the first try.
5. join OSL explor team.
6. be a little more active in SMUBE.. at least for backstage
7. push up my GPA
8. Love God.
9. Love myself more
10. Love my friends. I miss you meiting.


Budget for jayne's wanna-do-things:
Taiwan trip - 1800
Salsa - 50
Archery - 60 for the certificate
Basic German - 300
Driving - 1000
Shopping - seasonal pricing..
Subtotal = 3210.


Who wants to be my sponsor?

Just another day at work….


The past few days, I found it exceptionally torturing to be at work. Restlessness. Headaches. Psychological, I guess.


I have nothing to look forward to motivate me to work. Not even the Taiwan trip. I have been thinking of quitting. If only the Taiwan trip wasn’t so expensive..


Last week, I had the bintan trip to push me to work. When I have nothing to do, I would think of what to do at bintan or imagine how bintan would be like. 3 days past so quickly and now im back at work.


Met Des for lunch yesterday. He brought me to depot road for lunch and i tot that other than the change of lunch environment, the food ain’t that great. He is gonna introduce his driving instructor to me, so hopefully I can start my lessons on Monday. I want my license!


Met my smu gang for dinner – suzi, meiyan, chuikhim, bobo, grace and enning. We were talking abt the nus girl who died in a car crash in Canada. It seems to me to she is somehow or rather, some friend's friend's.. or friend's friend's friend's. the closest relationship I know of is that she is fangwei's distant cousin. Everyone seems to be so affected by the accident.


Yup, life is unpredictable. Anytime, any day, God will call me home. The funny thing is, I’m actually looking forward to it. I used to be afraid of dying. When I was young, I used to lie on my bed and cry non-stop, imagining what would happen if my mum, dad or bro died. Then, I imagine myself dying, or supposed to be dead. I imagined that, what if everyone thought I was dead, but actually im not. I would be alone in the coffin, stuffing my hand into my mouth to prevent myself to crying out my loneliness and misery. What if I was really dead; who will care? Who will cry? Who will miss me? I thought and thought about it countless times and then I would give up and sleep. Cos I think my life is totally screwed up. I kept telling God ''I will live my life for you," but I end up making a mess out of it. So many regrets, so much anger with myself. so much so, I feel I’m better off dead.


Then one day, I thought back to my Mt Ophir days and remembered the time when I was lost alone at the mountain top. Before I was lost, I felt like a bane to the team. I was injured cos I sprained my leg on the 2nd day and was slowing the team down. Felt that I shouldn’t be there trekking. Then when siowlon and AB found me and we joined back the team, Annabelle and rach hugged me and cried. "don’t ever leave us, ok jayne?"


The thought of being cherish really made me feel important, in people’s lives.


Mason asked chieh and I at bintan whether we cherished our lives. Seriously, I don’t really know how to cherish mine. Nearly committed suicide when I was in sec 2 during the pinnacle of depression. But I know, there are people who do cherish my existence. They are the reason why I never left the railing, many times…



Oh well.. back to the happy note.


Met tholmas, mabs and jon afterwards for drinks @timber. My first time there and the place is not bad. The band, yellowbox was good. One of their drummers, brendon I think, HE IS A SMOOTH DRUMMER!! Gosh! He plays so well and effortlessly. Kinda like the few drummers whom I have seen enjoying when performing..


Nice night out. I promise the pictures will be up.. soon I hope.

Just came back from bintan on Sunday. Went with chieh, fish, tim and his friend, mason.


I’m really glad that I went cos I needed that break very much. Although it wasn’t so much of a break cos im so tired now, but it was good enough that I was laughing most of the time. When was the last time I laughed so much? Hmm..


Anyway, what was good at bintan…


1. STARS!!! Omg.. the entire sky was full of stars! Was at the kelong restaurant on the 1st night and we were all by the bridge looking up and were captivated by the blanket of stars. You cant get that view in Singapore!!


2. the company. It is interesting to have a getaway holiday with a crappy person(mason), a gan-jong person(me), a talkative person(fish), a excited person (chieh) and a omg-snores-so-loudly person..(tim).


3. water sports. We didn’t do jet skiing cos we were burnt and tired by the second day afternoon. But we did banana boat (according to the rest, it wasn’t very good compared to other places) and I fell off cos I wasn’t concentrating. And tim fell off too cos he was laughing at me falling off. To think that he was trying to be a nice person to save me!!! Anyways, I grabbed the handle when I fell off and for a minute or so, I was mini-water-skiing! Fun!:) we shared the banana boat with a new Zealand family and it was very funny. The locals were trying to tell us that were dolphins nearby and this little girl was like "why are dolphins swimming in the wild??!! THEY ARE MEANT TO BE KEPT AS PPPPEEETTTSSS!!!" the whole entire 15 mins!!!! So cute! Her dad was quite amused by her and replied "darling, dolphins are meant to be in the wild!" but she kept insisting that they were meant to be pets.


4. breakfast!! Its complimentary (or issit part of the package?) and buffet style. im sure fish really enjoyed it.. by seeing how he wipes the buffet table cleanly:P


5. seafood dinner!!! Cheap and good! Either mason or fish was commenting that Indonesians can really cook good sotongs. We had XO sotongs on the first night and calamari on the 2nd. DAMN NICE!. The rest also had black garupa SASHIMI!!! The waiter was like.. "are u sure? Sashimi?" and we were like "yeah.." hmm, I wonder why he was so shocked. But it was nice.. according to fish, chieh, mason and tim. KANGKONG! Nice nice nice nice nice.. wiped out by yours truly, jayne. :P hehhh… and CRAB! Although the 2nd night’s crabs were huge but totally meat-deficient. The rest were like "dun keep your hopes high, not much meat.. but at least we had crab.." See, told you that crab legs are the best- you will never be disappointed cos the meat is always little. I was enjoying every single bit of the crab leg’s meat.. hahaha! =) was spoilt by the rest, cos they were very nice to break the crab legs for me.. awww so sweet! :)


6. sherry. We bought a bottle of sherry from DFS when going to bintan. Nice, cold, sweet sherry. Great to help you sleep and talk loads of nonsense.


7. archery and air rifle!!!! That’s it. Im so going to join archery (although I missed a lot of shots..) it was very fun cos the staff gave us a lot of free bullets for the air rifle... he even challenged us lah. He is very power.. just shoot without much aiming and hit the target so accurately.


8. the beach. Damn clear (although not as clear as phuket’s) and the sand is SOFT!!!!!


9. swimming lessons. Its free. Conducted by Mr Timothy Li, Mr Mason Tan, Miss Farn Hsing Chieh and occasionally, Mr Koh Jie Yu. They are extremely "good" instructors cos at the end of the trip, I still dunno how to swim. I only know how to float.


10. BATH TUBS!!!! It feels sooooooooo good to be in a warm bath tub for ½ hr!! although there were no bubbles solutions. that’s it. I will have bath tubs in my house next time.

11. seasickness. It’s good to feel oozzyy all the time cos u know what, you will never feel bored. Be amused that things are moving to and fro from your vision and you will be constantly entertained. The best part, you can also influence others to feel ooozzy with you! Proven by experiment conducted on fish and chieh.


12. paddle boat @ 12 noon. Best way to get yourself burnt. ESPECIALLY when u have a lousy rudder (is it spelled like that) and a lousy rudder-personnel (jayne). We ended up paddling and L-shaped distance to and fro a nearby island. One thing we learnt, tuan jie shi li liang – unity! We grabbed each other’s boats and started paddling together and boy.. the boats were moving real fast!:) btw, paddle boats are great for tummy-slimming and tighs-toning:) not really applicable to people who already has wash-board abs and no fats =P


13. forgeting to wake up to see the sunrise even though we said we wanted to. sleep takes priority in holidays. i set alarm to wake up at 6.30am to watch the sunrise. 6.30am the alarm rang, we turned to the window to see a blue sky and then, fell back to sleep. we missed the sunrise, heck it. sleep is more important. :)especially when someone robbed us from our precious sleep by his nice "musical symphony". haha


14. I cant really think anymore cos im at work now. Shall update if I can remember any. Hahahhahaa


To tim, mason, chieh and fish: thanks guys for coming! :) really enjoyed talking and having fun with u guys.

jayne, 21
smu econs
needs a reboot in her life.
needs to eat and exercise more.
waiting on Him